Relationship

#ittakestwotothompson Wedding Recap

Adulting, Relationship, Wedding

Now that it has been a couple weeks since our wedding day and after processing LOTS of emotions throughout this time, I figured I’d write about it. Writing is healing for me, but I also thought my reflection might help future brides!

Let me start off by saying that I have had the most content week ever! Because we aren’t wedding planning anymore I feel 30 pounds lighter. I am floored by just how much anxiety I was carrying around with me everyday. It’s not that our wedding was super stressful to plan, but it is A LOT no matter how simple you make it. The pressure to communicate with vendors, staying up to date with COVID requirements, making sure family and wedding party had the info, making sure I was put together and dozen of other little things! So, y’all I am feeling good! We finally get to work on some little house projects. I get to actually enjoy Kyle instead of our date nights consisting of wedding meetings. We get to plan our next travel adventures AND most importantly, I can actually focus on my business!!! I haven’t felt this productive regarding my dance studio in forever! I have a renewed energy and motivation to give it everything I’ve got.

But, I didn’t always feel this way. The couple days following our wedding, all I could think about was everything that went “wrong.” I put that in quotes, because looking back now, nothing went wrong. It went exactly as it was supposed too, but I did NOT feel that way two weeks ago. Let’s get into it shall we:

Our day was hot, like hot as hell. A couple weeks before the wedding it looked like it would be about 80 degrees and partly sunny….perfect! Nope, it turned out to be 95 and our outside ceremony was right in the blazing sun, zero shade. I am currently writing this post in beautiful, 75, slightly breezy weather and I can’t help but be a little bitter at stupid Nebraska. Anyways, the heat was a distraction for me. I get lethargic, cranky, and almost sick. I’ve always been this way, so I had to power through that. Unfortunately, I was so uncomfortable and I was worried about my guests being uncomfortable that I do think it took away from the magic a little bit.

On top of that, one of our vendors got stuck in an accident traffic jam, so 45 minutes before the ceremony, a key component was missing. I could feel the tears and panic well up in my chest. I couldn’t get a hold of the vendor at first and I had a mini meltdown where I said a lot of swear words in front of most of the family, love that for me! Right after, we realized that no one had my veil. It was still at the hotel, 15 minutes away! Thank GOD for my sister-in-law’s in-laws. They went back and saved the day. They deserve the world for how much they helped out on our wedding weekend. I am forever grateful. Also, The whole flower/bouquet situation was a bit disorganized. They were placed on and given out a little too last minute. That was my fault, not the vendor! We should’ve made a better plan there!

We’re not done. One more thing…our ceremony speaker overheated. Once again, not the vendor’s fault. The damn heat! We had no music at our ceremony, besides when I walked down the aisle. I don’t know if it was a God thing or what, but the most important part (my walk) is when the music worked, so pretty cool! Honestly, we barely noticed because I was so focused on Kyle and our ceremony was intimate anyway. It worked out just fine and Kyle’s vows were the most romantic, meaningful words I’d ever heard. There was not a dry eye in the room and no matter how hot is was, time stopped for that moment and all I thought about was how much I love him.

From that point on, it was incredible. The party bus was perfection. We got the biggest one they make, so there was plenty of room. We snapped some kick a** pictures and I can’t wait to see them! After the bus, we walked into the reception and when I say that my jaw dropped….the decorating, the flowers, the marquee letters, the drapery, the lighting, the cake table. Our vendors KILLED IT! It was the prettiest wedding reception I had ever seen. I know I’m biased, but it wow’d me and in that moment, nothing else from earlier that day mattered. It was time to PARTY!

After the dinner, amazing speeches, it was time for the most special moment of our whole day. I remember contemplating not even doing this. Kyle and I weren’t sure if we’d have enough time to make it happen, but our ballroom lesson and every single practice after was worth it. Our first dance was a choreographed (by me with help from Omaha Ballroom), slow, waltz and lyrical style inspired routine. It was the best time we had ever performed it and for 3 minutes, I forgot we were even at our reception. Just him and I. Ugh I can’t even explain how incredible it was and we even got a standing ovation! 😉 So proud of Kyle for taking it on, giving it his all, and making me feel like a princess!

Erin Ren Photography

Our night ended with a firework exit and a little too much fun at a bar down the street! We had the time of our lives and I can’t thank our families, friends, and vendors enough for making it possible. We had a few hiccups, but nothing that could ruin our special day! Before I end with some tips, I want to say if I sounded dramatic a couple paragraphs above…just know that those things don’t bother me whatsoever anymore. Mostly because, just like life, nothing is perfect. I’m listening to a podcast right now called “Wabi Sabi” by Candice Kumai which means perfectly imperfect. They say this in Japan, I believe. Our wedding was a great parallel to Kyle and I’s relationship. We get over things quickly, we don’t hold grudges, we love each other through it all, and ultimately is works out exactly as it’s supposed. Wabi Sabi!

Erin Ren Photography

Hopefully helpful tips. Brides:

  1. Make sure that you leave plenty of time to get flowers handed out and try to enjoy them a little bit before the busyness starts. It sounds weird, but I feel like I didn’t enjoy the flowers as much as I wanted to. Thank gosh we have pictures/video where I’ll be able to stare at them as much as I want! 🙂
  2. Have your transportation plan SOLID and delegate! Think about the things you’ll need when & where. Forgetting the veil could’ve been avoided if I would’ve delegated that job out to someone. There was way too many people with way too much of my stuff. We had one mom with this and the other mom with this. It should’ve been more organized on the front end. Having family come from out of town makes this more complicated.
  3. Spend a moment with your bridesmaids. I see other brides doing a first look with their girls and this isn’t something I requested, but I regret not doing it. Time just started to go by way too quick and having a very large bridal party makes it hard to keep everyone in the same area together especially in hotel rooms that are all strung together. It’s not that I needed a first look with them necessarily. I just wish for 15 minutes we could’ve all spent a little time together in our dresses before the busyness started.
  4. My fellow empaths or sensitive humans, it is alright if you don’t have super connected conversations with every single one of your guests. Did I feel incredibly guilty because I felt like I ignored people too much and didn’t have 25 minutes for each person? Yes I did! I got over that thought because your guests understand. They are there to witness you and your partner’s love. They are not there for a dinner date with you.
  5. Things will go wrong. Someone told me this before our wedding and I did listen, but didn’t truly understand until I went through it. It’s okay if it’s not perfect. Roll with it, breathe, and remember what the day is really about.
  6. You plan your wedding for your guests, not you and your partner. This sounds kind of obvious, but I didn’t really get to see a lot of our day. As a bride & groom you are behind the scenes. I didn’t get to see the decorations before everyone got to the venue. I didn’t get to see the flowers girls walk down the aisle. Things I didn’t realize I’d miss. BUT, that’s why you hire a talented, quality videographer and photographer!
  7. Hire a talented, quality videographer and photographer!!!! I can’t say it enough. The day goes by way too quick. You don’t get to enjoy half of what you think you’ll enjoy. Your adrenaline is pumping so much that your brain can’t physically comprehend and take everything in. I felt like I was pretty relaxed on our day overall, and we even took a moment to step back and just look around the room. That still wasn’t enough, so spend the money. Hire both! You won’t regret it.
  8. Lastly, and this may be controversial, but lets stop saying weddings should be the most perfect day of your life. No, the man I am marrying is perfect for me and we will have a lot of perfect and amazing days in this life. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on your special day. It is absolutely going to be highlight and this marks the start of our forever, but married life with Kyle should be the main focus. The wedding day is just a bonus!

Thanks for reading my wedding recap. It took a little work letting go of the shoulda woulda couldas, but I did and I am filled with joy thinking about our wedding day. I am also filled with peace and contentment knowing that it’s over and I get to enjoy this life with my sexy HUSBAND!

Much love,

T

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The Best Two Years of my Life – Traditions with my Valentine

Relationship

Valentine’s Day is among us and some of you are going to be loved up with your significant other, while others will be loved up with themselves, a bottle of wine, and Netflix. Both are great and to be honest, the second one is what I will be up to, because my man will be playing baseball. While it’s a controversial holiday and there will always be people who despise it, I wanted to celebrate it with a quick write-up pertaining to the holiday of love.

Kyle asked me out on Valentine’s Day two years ago. It wasn’t cliché at ALL (hehe, love you hot stuff). As cliché as it might be, I don’t care, because saying yes to him on that V-day was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Valentine’s Day will always have a special place in our hearts.

In honor of our special day, I thought I would take a little moment and share a handful of traditions, routines, and goals that we have created and set throughout these last two years.

Change Jar 

About 6 months ago, when we moved into our apartment, we decided to combine our change into one jar. The jar is actually really cute and says, “hello” in cursive (thanks, Hobby Lobby). As it filled up we thought that it would be a great opportunity for us to save up for something big, like a vacation. We are going to attempt to save our change for the next 5 years and buy ourselves a big, fat trip somewhere. So, thus began our change jar tradition.

Two Big, Fat Trips

Speaking of vacations….we love to travel! We both grew up traveling quite a bit, and it’s a huge priority for us. We are so grateful to have had that influence and we want to continue that for ourselves and our future children. We are going to make it a goal (unless something unforseen happens) that we take at least two vacations every year, whether that be a short weekend trip or a two-week beach extravaganza.

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DQ Runs

This tradition is probably common amongst Wayniacs (people who grew up in Wayne) or people who attended WSC, because DQ is one of the few places to get ice cream or food for that matter. We love our blizzard runs! About once a month, we go and get ice cream together. In the busyness of life, especially with having opposite schedules, it’s a way for us to utilize a mini date to continue connecting with each other.

Secret Santa 

I had done secret santa a variety of times throughout my life, but I was reintroduced when I joined in on the Christmas Eve festivities with Kyle’s family the last 2 years. Basically, all the siblings draw a name and then we buy each other a gift around $100. It’s simple and I’m sure many families participate in similar traditions, but it’s something Kyle and I would love to continue doing on Christmas Eve with his siblings and then eventually with our children as they grow up and can participate with their own siblings.

Frozen Pizza

No matter where life takes us, or where we live, we will always have a frozen pepperoni pizza in our freezer. Every time we go grocery shopping, without fail, we get one of those bad boys for nights when we just don’t feel like throwing anything together. It’s this weird bonding moment when we both look at each other and nonverbally agree to have pizza instead of something healthy. It’s like we’re little kids again, getting away with not eating our veggies. It’s silly, but it’s us.

Hip Hop Videos

Kyle will probably be a little embarrassed by this one, but he enjoys watching hip hop dances on YouTube. Especially the ones choreographed by Willdabeast and his crew. Obviously, I love to watch them as well and it is some what required for my job! But, what makes this fun is that he knows how much dance means to me and he can share that passion just a little bit when we sit down and watch a handful of new videos together. We can appreciate the choreography and the talent it takes to perform at such a high level. I love that he was comfortable sharing this with me and I love that he also respects what I love.

Here’s our favorite video (we’d love to learn this one day):

 

Sending Songs 

Since day one, music has been in the center of our relationship. Along with hip hop videos, music is a giant part of my job, and has always been a big part of Kyle’s life as well. Brag moment….Kyle can play the piano, drums, and sing. He is so musically gifted and doesn’t even realize it. It blows me away how naturally he understands instruments. Because music is so important to us, we send songs to each other often, especially country songs. What better way to share love then through beautiful lyrics and melodies?

We have many songs, but this is the song that played around month two of being together. I knew then that I was in love with him:

 

All these traditions and routines are a small glimpse into the relationship Kyle and I have and not to be dramatic, but our love and life is so much more than a few paragraphs can even describe. I have never found someone who sets my soul on fire as much as he does. He is the best person I have ever met. I have never felt more loved and supported in my whole life. After two years, I still have to pinch myself, because I can NOT believe that I found this “love” that everyone dreams about. In fact, for way too long, I had a hard time believing that I actually deserved this kind of unconditional love. I am strong on my own and I learned to be that way through a lot of despair and resiliency, but he helps take down my armour. I don’t need walls or defenses around him, I’m able to just BE.

Kyle, I love you. You are my family. My future. My everything.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

XOXO,

T

Long Distance Relationship: Parent Edition

Adulting, Mental Health, Relationship

Firstly, let me start by saying that we DO NOT have nearly enough meaningful discussions about transitioning into adulthood. Especially in regards to the parental relationships, that we still so desperately need. As an almost 25-year-old, I joke about “adulting” with my friends often and we make fun of ourselves for realizing that we really don’t “have it all figured out.” We are seemingly okay with not being 100% okay all the time, and I am a BIG fan of that transparency! But, at the end of the day we are expected to act like adults, pay our bills on time, know how a mortgage works, and what insurance coverage is the best? Do I have those last two figured out? Nope, not really and I guarantee most “adults” my age don’t either.

I will say that I’ve read a lot about how to spend your twenties and that we should “live it up!” Well, in between the anxiety of not knowing what the hell I’m doing and making decisions that will effect the rest of my life, I do indeed try to “live it up.” Usually by traveling or spending time with other individuals my age that hope they figure out this life thing too. My point is there is much debate on how to spend these vital years. Do we find a partner in college and begin our working lives with them, get married, and start having kids, so we don’t become “old” parents. Or do we live it up, travel, with or without a partner, and then start a family in our thirties? Or thirdly, do we live unconventionally with no regard to societal expectations and just simply go where the wind takes us?

Each one of these lifestyles is absolutely okay in my book, but one thing I have found constant no matter what path you take in your twenties and that is we all start having realizations about our parents. Whether that be that we want to be nothing like them, that we wish we hadn’t taken them for granted, or that they are truly super heroes. This year more than ever before, especially with the holidays quickly approaching, I personally find myself grieving the loss of my childhood. What I would give to crawl into bed, eat popcorn, and lay with my parents soaking up their love one last time. Knowing that through all the stress of sports and school, I still had their strength and safe arms to lean on. I took for granted just how much I relied on my parents to bring me back to myself again. Even typing it out now, it baffles me how much they did for me mentally and emotionally as I would face new challenges. A lot of times I would come into the house like a tornado and they would take it. They weren’t always happy with me and I truly think I put them through hell, but their support never wavered.

I technically have been living a part from them for 6 years now, but my parents sold my childhood home and moved to Florida with my two little brothers about a year and a half ago. That transition has been extremely difficult. I want to be happy for them, but I do feel slightly resentful that I don’t have a “home” anymore. I did move away from them first 4 years ago, so in some ways I feel like a hypocrite. That doesn’t take away from the fact that their move has stirred up some emotional turmoil for me. It’s been tough, but also made me ask myself, “how many other twenty-somethings have parents that moved away and they have these same feelings of sadness and grief?” Another question I’ve been pondering is, “when, if ever, are we supposed to feel okay without our parents and will we always long for that feeling of home?” I mean I think I am doing pretty darn good on my own and it’s been an amazing journey starting my own family (getting a dog with the boyfriend), but I still have those times where Kyle can’t give me the exact same “home” feeling my parents did.

Throughout the past year, I have spent a lot of time contemplating what these feelings mean to me and discussing them with others, especially Kyle and my parents. Through those conversations, I’d like to list some realizations that are still evolving, but important and noteworthy:

  • You are entitled to grieve the loss of your childhood. It is not weird to feel incredibly sad that those simple times where your parents made the decisions, are now in the past.
  • Whether you have a good relationship with your parents or not, they impacted you more than you’d probably like to admit! Realizing that they were human and struggling to “adult” just like we are, helps forgive them for the hurt they may have caused or it helps you realize that they didn’t have it all figured out and they still raised a bad ass, right? 
  • The most obvious realization is that we will always need our parents or adult figures, no matter how old we get. They’re an integral part of our lives, to help us with questions about mortgages, purchasing cars, insurance, etc…Lord knows I need the help!
  • Lastly, as young adults, we absolutely should swallow our pride and have real conversations about this more often. Not just placed periodically within the sarcastic rhetoric about how “adult life sucks,” but REAL heart-felt discussions where we open up about our biggest fears and wishes. 

I’m not positive, but I have a feeling many young adults are going through similar situations, like mine, with their parents. So, if you’re vibin’ with what I’m saying, please reach out! Let me know if you have any questions or if you have been there and what you learned along the way.

Much love & Happy Thanksgiving!

T