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Guest Piece: “The Power of Your Story”

Guest Writer
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The Power of Your Story
By: Katlynn Goodsell
We all have a story. We have experiences that have shaped us into who we are. We have had people in and out of our lives that have left impacts on us that change the way we think, feel, and live. Each story is different, and that’s what makes it beautiful. Sometimes we forget that there are parts of our stories that are still unwritten and only we have the power to dictate how it ends.
As people it is so easy to become tunnel visioned and get into our own minds. We start to become selfish in thinking that people around us couldn’t possibly relate to anything we have gone through, or are going through. We have a difficult time digging deeper. But the more we do, the more we realize we aren’t that different from each other.
Growing up with Type 1 Diabetes, as well as a mom fighting cancer, I often felt alone. In my mind I always thought that no one around me could understand. Deep down I always knew that people did, I just wouldn’t let them. I grew up in a school that had multiple people with diabetes. Although as far as I knew, no one had a parent fighting cancer to the severity that my mom was, there were also people in my community who had lost parents at a young age. I just never reached out and let myself share my story and my struggles with others in order to create that connection.
As I have gotten older and technology has advanced more, I have realized that in some ways we are all much more connected because you are constantly updated on what people are doing. You can feel like you completely know someone without having to have an actual conversation with them. What I think a lot of people are lacking right now though is that ability to actually connect with people. To have meaningful conversations and relationships that go below the surface. We are all so afraid of being vulnerable that we rely on social media to make it seem like our lives are perceived in a certain way. 
The past few years of my life I have struggled more then I have in my entire life. I had a lot of change going on and was trying to adapt to a life that made me feel robbed of all freedom and confidence. People looking at my social media would have had no idea that some of those days were the darkest I had faced in my life. Social media didn’t show the multiple mental breakdowns I had where all I could do was just sob. Social media didn’t show the amount of weight I felt or the nights when I tried to make sense of everything. Social media only shows what we want people to see. It only shows the highlights of our lives. Yet somehow this seems to be the main way that we all communicate?
I have always thought that social media has been a great thing. It may not sound like it but it has always been a sort of outlet for me. I have always been a creative person and I love the way you can share your life with people in a way that reflects your personality. I remember spending hours on the computer in middle school designing my MySpace package and making it feel like my little corner of the internet. So in no way am I here to sit and bash it all because it has so many great benefits. What I am here to say is that we all need to start talking to each other. As hard as it may be we should be talking about the things going on in our lives, or the things that we have experienced that  we may want to avoid. Because if I have learned anything, its that there is something beautiful about the strength that is gained from a struggle, and a power in sharing and connecting with others about it.
I would be lying if I said telling my story was an easy thing for me to do, because its not. It requires vulnerability and a lot of emotional energy. What I have realized though is that the more times you tell your story, the more power it will have. You never know the kind of impact you will have on other people. You never know who might be experiencing something similar to you or who might think until the moment you spoke up, they thought they were alone.
As people, I know we are afraid of exposing the parts of our lives that we might have the most shame around. We think that if people figure us out they might look down on us, or perceive us in a negative way. If I have learned anything though its that whenever I have had the courage to open up, I am for the most part pleasantly surprised by the reactions of the people around me. It always gives me peace to share it after because it releases some of the built up anxiety I have about hiding it or worrying what people will think.
We all have an amazing story to tell. We all have emotions, and we all have parts of us that we may feel shamed of. That’s the thing though, we ALL have them, its what makes us human. Its easy to put other people on a pedestal and think that they have it all together, when in reality none of us do. We all are just trying to figure out this thing we call life and do it the best we can.  Everyone has a power in them, and that power is their story. Don’t underestimate the impact you can have on someone’s life by sharing it.
Xo,
Katlynn
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Thank you Katlynn for these honest, vulnerable, and authentic words. The whole reason this blog was formed was so that I could be transparent about the stories, issues, and victories going on in my life. I wanted to share my TRUTH. Thank you for sharing yours so eloquently!
Make sure to FOLLOW Katlynn on Instagram @katlynnshelly and read more of her amazing words at Forever and Always, Katlynn.

I Do Deserve this House. I Do Deserve this Life.

Adulting

Buying a house, living with your significant other is BIG for anyone. It’s probably one of the biggest commitments of your whole life. I can’t believe that I’m at that point where it’s actually happening!

This year, more than any other year, I have realized that yes, I am indeed getting older. I know I’m not “old” by any means. 30 is the new 20 right? As I am creeping towards 26 it just feels like life is flying past me. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I feel like I’ve had this emotional shift and I’m really looking at every moment differently. It’s almost like the “adolescent” lens is fading into the “adult” one. Very hard to pinpoint my feelings right now, but it’s made me reflect a lot lately on who I am becoming and who I used to be? What have I learned? Have I learned and done enough?

It’s crazy to think about where I am versus where I was 5 years ago. Truthfully I didn’t know if my life would ever look like this. When I was 18 I had the toughest year of my life and then the roller coaster continued on throughout the next 5 years. Having a couple failed relationships and then a boyfriend of almost three years that would not discuss our future, kids, or marriage almost paralyzed me into believing that would never happen for me. Then, after I finally broke off from his abuse, I was negative about the whole concept of marriage. I would always say that I would have kids by a sperm donor etc…just super dramatic! But, I was hurt. Having fun with my friends and finding out who I was again was the priority and then not long after, Kyle came along and completely turned my world upside down.

IMG_1062.JPGI knew about a week in that he was going to change my life one way or another. We went from being by each others side everyday while I finished senior year of college to trying long distance while I worked in Minneapolis. Being that far away from him was not good enough for me. My life without him in it was miserable. I remember telling him, “I can’t wait until we are in the same place working and living together.” I had to make a change, because for me, life is too damn short to live away from the person you love (unless you literally have too i.e., military).

Moving back to Wayne to start my own dance company was the scariest, most invigorating time in my life and with him by my side I felt invincible. We moved back to Wayne together, but still lived separate for his senior year and then we got our own apartment in April of that year and it was so incredibly exciting. When we first moved in we would tell each other every single time we left the room, or if we moved something here or there. We unnecessarily updated each other on everything probably because we were feeling each other out, seeing how the other one liked to live. Thinking about it makes my giggle. I thought the apartment was exciting….but little did I know we’d be moving into a house a year later!

Now, here we are, after long distance, dating for almost 2 1/2 years and we are first time homeowners. It’s hard to find the words, because I feel like I fell into the best second family in the world. I feel like I fell into this amazing life. I feel undeserving at times, because of all the shit I went through. Throughout the last 2 years, I struggled with the idea that my life “wasn’t supposed to be like this” but now I’m coming to terms with the fact that I worked hard to get to this place. I appreciate the people that helped get me here more than ever and I’m learning that even if your life looked completely different 5 years ago, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a fresh start or a do-over. I actually wrote something about this topic for a friend’s blog. Coming soon!

So, if you are feeling undeserving, out of sorts, or you’re just in an odd place remember these few things:

  1. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Whatever religion or god or universe you believe in…let me tell ya the place you’re in (even if it’s shit) is where you are meant to be right now.
  2. Snowballing off of that…YOU are in control of your happiness and contentment. You need help? Ask for it. Unhappy with your job? Make a plan, change it up. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
  3. Say YES. Tell fear to shove it and say yes to things that maybe you wouldn’t have before. obviously don’t overfill your plate so much that you’re completely swamped, but push yourself a little. No one grows emotionally, spiritually, financially from playing it safe.
  4. Be vulnerable. Not like “oh, I suck at cleaning the house sometimes.” Be honest with yourself and rumble (my favorite Brene Brown word) with your emotions. Don’t stuff them down. Feel them and feel them hard. After doing so, have the tough conversations you may need to have. Confrontation doesn’t have to be negative people. It’s necessary in business and relationships.
  5. Lastly, be kind to yourself. I am not perfect. I swear too much. I struggle with laziness. Just because you didn’t get your 250-word checklist done doesn’t mean you suck. Throw the expectations away and as my grandma used to say, “it’ll be there for you to do tomorrow.”

Speaking of tomorrow, our new floors will be finished, we will get our couch picked up next week and we finally will be sleeping in our new master bedroom. We peaked at the first coat of finish today and you guys, the floor is INCREDIBLE! Changed the whole look of the house and we are pumped! Pictures coming soon. Thanks for following our journey and hope my words can provide some of you with a little hope or the motivation you needed today.

Much love,

T

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See Ya Later Self-Doubt

Mental Health

Lately, the self-doubt has been eating me alive. I mean, when isn’t it really? In a world where we see everyone else’s successes around us all the time, it’s hard to not compare yourself…DAILY! But, my self-doubt is more centered specifically on my newish business venture with Beautycounter. When it comes to owning, instructing, and choreographing at my studio, I feel confident most of the time. After having almost two years under my belt, I’m feeling comfortable and fully equipped as I continue learning and growing.

Beautycounter has been different. At my studio, I can see results every day in the way my dancers’ grow, in the way my parents communicate with me, and I get a huge sense of accomplishment when watching my students succeed on stage at competitions and recital. With Beautycounter it can be very hit or miss. I will post about a certain product and I will get a ton of feedback as well as some sales. On the other hand, I can run a week-long event that I thought I promoted effectively and achieve no sales at all.

As I watched all the managing directors learning and being rewarded for their hard work at the L.E.A.D conference in Phoenix, AZ I couldn’t help but feel left out and a sense of self-doubt. Am I doing enough to be able to get their next year? Am I effectively spreading my knowledge of safer beauty? Why do people feel the need to judge “businesses like this?” Why am I letting those people, who know nothing about the Beautycounter business, paralyze my progress?

Some judgemental people are actually really close to me and it hurts, honestly. It hurts that they can’t be supportive and they don’t prioritize safer options, but I have to be okay with that. Everyone’s journey and priorities are different and that’s why being human is so fun. Everyone’s got something to teach and something to learn. I find that I also create fictional people in my head. I think that people are going to judge me for trying my best to use safer options. I feel like they think I’m a dramatic or I need to “relax” or “everything causes cancer, so who cares.” These “what-ifs” flow through my mind way too often.

Caring about people is such a dichotomy. On one hand, I care about the way people perceive me, because I never want to offend or push anyone too far. On the other hand, the reason I started my Beautycounter adventure was BECAUSE I care so deeply for people and I want them all to be free from harmful chemicals, so they may live long and feel amazing! I want everyone to be their BEST SELVES!

The toughest thing for me has been people not understanding that Beautycounter isn’t like the other hundreds of multi-level marketing companies out there. In fact, we are not considered multi-level marketing at all. We’re a direct retail company, meaning we offer a product through multiple channels including a network of independent consultants, through our e-commerce web sites and through strategic partnerships. We are structured like any other company. There are teams with team leaders that help coach and mentor us. I am currently a mentor to one person who happens to be my beautiful mother and she can absolutely surpass me if she outperforms me.

The thing is, my job isn’t to convince every single person that Beautycounter is an amazing company. My job is to be a safer beauty advocate and this role, for me, is bigger than just my Beautycounter business. It’s not just about selling our safe products. It’s about creating change and regulations in an industry that hasn’t changed anything in over 80 years! It’s starting the process of regulations, so that my children wont have to worry about toxic chemicals. Why can we go into a store right now and buy basic beauty products that are filled with fragrance that cause irritation and allergies? Fragrance isn’t regulated by the FDA. It could be composed of 3,000+ stock chemical ingredients! Why can we buy shampoo, body wash, and foundation that’s filled with parabens that can alter hormone mechanisms in our body? Why can we buy lipsticks, diapers, and creams that are packed with BHA and BHT? These are likely carcinogens and hormone disruptors and could cause liver damage! AHH! And that’s not all!

Why is it that the U.S. bans only 11 chemicals when places like Europe are banning thousands? 11. Really? We should be questioning this and we should be passionate about this. 

All-in-all my passion and the people who support me will be my focus, and the rest I will simply not have time for. I will grow this through this journey with a full heart and by always staying true to myself.

Much Love,

T

P.S. Thank YOU so much to those who supported my business throughout the 15% off sale! Wow, it was amazing how many of you decided to start or continue your safer beauty journey. Love that you are prioritizing your health!

Don’t Judge a Dog by it’s Cover

Adulting

We love our lab. So much. Kyle and I decided about a year ago that we wanted a puppy. Luckily, we found an amazing family not too far away that breeds pure bread hunting labs. If you ever need a recommendation, definitely ask me for more info. You could tell when we picked our puppy up how much they love their labs and how well they care for them. We had to pick between two beautiful, rambunctious male pups, and we knew right away that Ace was the one.

Ace became the center of our lives (our new baby). Most of you already know this, because he makes a regular appearance on my Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook. We like to show him off, just a little bit.

I never wanted a big dog. I was a little dog person or so I thought, but when your dog is your own, it doesn’t matter what size he/she is, you love them like a member of the family. If you don’t, then you shouldn’t have a dog, just sayin’.

Now that Ace is 9 months old, he is almost full grown. He’s a smaller lab, but currently 65 lbs. Kyle works with Ace every single day. I take him for a walk and work on training at least 2-4 times a week, so some days he’s working with us twice.

This weekend I was completely defeated. As he was dragging me around the baseball field while I was trying to watch Kyle play, I thought to myself, “none of this training is working. He looks like he’s the worst dog in the world. This is horrible.” If I’m being honest, I was almost in tears at one point.

I could feel the judging eyes staring at me and the laughter and granted, it was hilarious at times, but it looked like we had never worked with this dog a day in his life. He lost most of his training and I know I am being way to hard on him. He’s still a puppy and people who have labs/dogs, know this. People who have never experienced lab/dog ownership truly don’t understand.

My point in writing this piece is that just like mothers with screaming children at the store, DO NOT judge an owner and their dog. Ace is a completely different dog at home. He doesn’t chew up shoes, he doesn’t dig in the garbage can. He doesn’t constantly bark. He doesn’t knock you down when you walk into our home. He is loving, cuddly, and patient. Best lab I’ve ever been around and of course I’m biased, but it kills me to see that other people don’t see that side of him.

I now have so much more compassion for other dogs who get excited around people or who uncontrollably lick and smell you. They might be trained every day, like Ace, but they’re still learning and every dog is different. Not all people are dog people and I get that, but it never hurts to have a little more patience. 

Anyways, I found myself really distraught and angry, especially at Ace after the baseball game this weekend and after reflecting on that feeling a little bit, I came to the realization that it all comes down to feeling judged by others. Feeling like an inadequate dog owner. Truthfully, why do I care? Kyle and I are doing the best we can and most days, we even go above and beyond for our doggie, so who cares what others think or say. It’s not their life and it’s not their dog.

Moving forward I will be patient with Ace and his growing process and I hope those around him can be too!

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Much love from a happy dog owner,

T

 

Coaching – The Toughest Job in the World

Dance, Womanprenuer

As another year of coaching comes to end, I’ve been reflecting on the last 9 months and also looking at a few of my unpublished articles that I’ve written throughout the year. Some things I wasn’t able to make public, because I try my hardest to be respectful and classy. I did have a situation this year that made me question it all. It was with a dance mom, and you guys, 95% of dance moms are NOT like the show! But, there are some that have kept me up at night. In this particular chaotic meeting, I was called some choice words and I also used some choice words back. It was an out-of-body moment honestly. The anger boiled over into something that I am not proud of.

These incidents as a coach, instructor, dance studio owner always hit me hard. They knock me down harder than I’d like to admit actually. I can’t eat. I feel numb. I feel like the anxiety might never leave me!

I came home after that dramatic night completely depleted and embarrassed. How could I let myself slip so far away from inner peace and who I truly am? Even after apologizing multiple times at the end of the meeting and getting words of support from mothers I respect, I was still filled with self-doubt. My one saving grace was that the moms who know me well knew that my outburst was all out of love and passion.

And….they’re right. I am an “all-in” type of person and when I teach/coach, I put my absolute everything into it. My heart, body, mind, and soul go into teaching these young people. I think what is most frustrating as a coach is that nobody, or very few, truly see that 100%. Nobody knows just how much anxiety you get thinking you didn’t do enough. Nobody sees how much it kills you when one of your players/dancers/students is struggling. Nobody sees you up until midnight planning practice for the next day or doing 5+ hours of choreography just because if they don’t get 1st place, it will be your fault. Nobody sees the tears you cry when you have to make a judgement call that inevitably will disappoint someone!

Speaking of disappointing someone…that was and is a constant battle as a coach/teacher. Not trying to throw myself a huge pity party over here, but if you’re a coach, you’re signing up to ALWAYS let people down. It’s a fact! I’m learning to accept that and understand that there are parents out there that are miserable people, unfortunately, and they will always have a problem with something. What I can’t get behind though, is parents trying to do a coaches job. I’ve had about enough of that and speaking for coaches that have left great programs…they’ve had enough too.

Parents, you have to stop doing this to your coaches or there will be none left. Trust in that they want what is best for the whole team and that when your child signs up to be a part of a TEAM, they are sacrificing their personal needs. If you can not accept that, then maybe your child should take up an activity or sport where they compete….ALONE!

What pains me most is that I get along with 92% of people I come in contact with. Not trying to be full of myself, but I really do enjoy people and I feel as though I am genuine and transparent so usually people respond well to that. That night I let one of those 8%ers get to me. There are some people who I really don’t think I’m meant to be civil with.

I don’t believe I conducted myself like an “adult” at that meeting, but the kicker is, neither did some of the “real” adults. One thing I will not do is apologize for caring. I don’t take back my passion or desire to do what’s best for the TEAM. I refuse to toughen up my soft heart and soul, but I think I do need to learn to protect it a littler harder. As I look back, I felt so defeated and in all honesty, I was wondering if the constant criticism was something I could continue to subject myself too. I thought about the future of my family and the way I want to raise my children. Do I want to subject them to the stresses of having their mom be a coach and/or teacher?

Now, that it’s been months later after some amazing success and milestones with my team, I know that leading young women is a place I need to be. The more struggles I have, the more I will learn about how to navigate such an important role. When I have children one day, my patience will be solid (lots of practice) and I want them to see me struggle. There’s something special about your kids seeing that you are human and I truly appreciate that my parents weren’t always perfect. It made me realize that there is beauty in the hiccups of life.

I love my dancers and time will tell. My soul will guide me, always does, even if it guides me to an overly stressful dance mom meeting, I am right where I’m meant to be, always.

Much love,

T

 

“Hey Girl” – The Stigma Behind Direct Sales

Beautycounter

I’m sure every one of you, especially if you’re a young woman, has seen a DM or Facebook message that goes something like this:

“Hey girl, I love your page. You are so pretty and you seem like you have an amazing outlook on life. It also looks like you’re into fitness and I think you would really love this opportunity I have. You could double your income!! I would love to chat with you about it!”

Nine times out of ten we say, “No, thank you” or ignore it completely, right?

I know I did. I am always respectful of course, but after the 15th time of being approached, it feels like a bit much. My friends and I have had many of these conversations about MLM (multi-level marketing) people coming on too strong and frankly, it’s giving ALL direct sales a bad name. That frustrates me.

I will keep all actual MLM company names out of this post, because I don’t want to be disrespectful. So, in this next story I will refer to the company in this next story as company A. My friend has a high school acquaintance that started with company A a year ago. My friend went to one of her parties in the summer and then a week later the lady asked my friend if she wanted to host her own online video party and listed all the reasons why and that it would help her a lot etc…my friend politely declined. After all, she is going to college full-time, working, had a couple deaths in the family that were extremely difficult, and isn’t super interested in the products anyway. Nothing wrong with that.

About a week later Company A lady followed up once again, and my friend declined again, all while feeling incredibly guilty. Another week passes, and another message appears in her inbox, this time the message contains personal notes about how much this lady seems to care about her life. This lady knows little about my friend’s life and it came off super inauthentic. Any wise person can see right through that marketing tactic. “Identify with your consumer” should mean being relatable and empathetic not fake.

This weekend, my friend showed me the latest message from this lady, and you guys, it was 950 words. Longer than most high school essays. The message contained more pushy language promising my friend a car, promising that her hopes and dreams will be reached, even talking about the past memories from their childhood, and pretending to know about my friend’s career aspirations. She actually said the words, “I don’t understand why you’re not joining my team.” WHAT? This lady also accused my friend of “ignoring her” when my friend was driving through a snow storm earlier that month. I CAN’T YOU GUYS. Hearing this made me want to pull my hair out.

It gets even worse. My friend also ordered products from a different company a couple of years ago. This particular company has consultants take down your credit card number so they can order for you. Well, this consultant kept my friend’s card on file and charged it 9 months later “accidentally.” Just so happens that my friend had told her 2 months prior that she did not want to restock her products. When my friend confronted the consultant respectfully. She said, “something may have just got sent to your house. Maybe you can give it to a friend or your mom.” Not once did she offer a refund or apologize for the inconvenience. Super unethical and once again, a behavior that makes ALL direct sales companies look bad.

At this point, my friend said she feels almost violated in a way. She is so bombarded that she now has a bad taste in her mouth regarding all direct sales companies. I guarantee SO many people feel this way and truthfully, I felt this way too. I hate to admit it, but I made fun of MLM people. I thought most MLM companies were a scam and that their “get rich quick” mentality was ridiculous.

I never thought I would be a part of a direct sales company or be involved with sales ever again for that matter, but there’s something about being a part of a company that you actually belive in that feels different from pushing products you don’t use or truly know anything about. I believe in Beautycounter. I believe in our mission to enforce regulations in the beauty industry. It has been 81 years since the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act was last updated. While the U.S. beauty industry has grown into a whopping $62 billion dollar business! Since the FDA’s regulations are slim to none, Beautycounter has taken it upon themselves to not only prohibit the use of 1500 harmful or potentially harmful ingredients, which is called the Never List, we are 100% transparent about what is used in our products. What other companies do that?! Not enough that’s for sure!

With all this in mind, I was on board. Mostly, because I was already living this way. My mom emphasized safe products growing up and that mindset transitioned into my adult life, so Beautycounter is just an extension of who I am. I genuinely live my brand and that concept is missing within A LOT of other MLM companies. 

The idea that you will win a car or get lots of cash/free stuff is not the way to entice someone to join your team. Money should absolutely be a motivator, but if you’ve now traded money for quality and authenticity, it’s a problem. Yes, money makes the world go ’round and who doesn’t love it? But, if you are not passionate about the message behind your brand, why are you selling it?

On another note, why are mentors, directors, or team leaders pushing their teams to search out and send random, inauthentic messages to girls on social media? It’s uncomfortable, and frankly, kind of slimy. With Beautycounter, I have never felt pressured to make people order from me or join my team. Frankly, I will not reach out to random individuals on any social media platform. What seems to work thus far is consistently establishing effective promotions on Instagram and Facebook. Not just screenshotting the company emails, but making it my own. Setting up little photo shoots in my bathroom, or doing a quick Facebook video about my evening routine. When people see you living your brand and being 100% genuine, it’s refreshing.

When people are making purchasing decisions, they want to be able to see themselves using the products, so create that image for them. Show them how you are using it in your daily life. Just be honest and the sales will come! I am NOT saying you should settle. I have huge goals for myself and I continuously push myself to grow and learn each day, but I will be successful by staying true to myself, being authentic with my customers, and stressing the education/advocacy part of my business.

Marketing tools I effectively use: 

  • I will follow-up with individuals who have expressed interest in products.
  • I will tell members or customers about new products or promotions that would fit them.
  • I will promote, educate, and advocate Beautycounter on Instagram and Facebook.
  • I will hold social events online and in person.
  • I will do giveaways in private groups.
  • I will send samples to those who are interested.
  • I will answer any and all questions.
  • I will empower women and push them to grow.
  • I will advocate for safer beauty.
  •  I will continue to learn more about product ingredients and expand my knowledge on all things Beautycounter.
  • I will ALWAYS be honest, transparent, and authentic in my pursuit of success with direct sales.

I apologize if I offended anyone. My opinion is just that, my opinion and not everyone will agree. My thoughts come from a good place and I truly want every person involved with direct sales to be so darn happy, successful, and empowered.

Much love,

T